Anxiety
by BananaPeaceMonkeyKarmi
Summary: Tifa, for the second time, has been committed because of her baffling condition. Past psychiatrists have had little success in finding out her "psychotic break," but maybe this new one has a chance. Condition Revised.
1. Endless

Hello dear readers~! I promised you all Condition once I figured it out, and here it is in all it's revised glory~  
>At least, here's the first chapter.<p>

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><p><strong><span>Anxiety I - Endless<span>**

_Screaming. People running – stopping, shouting once more. Feet going against the ground, hard, as those in charge of the actions tried their best to get away from the inevitable._

_Another explosion caused her to cower deeper into the corner she was thrust into, deeper into the dark room underneath the house. She gulped, peeking out once more through the tiny hole in the wall next to her. There was not much she could see; it was dark, save for the flames licking the night sky. She could tell from the shadows when someone would run across her vision, and by this point, she could tell if their steps were full of fear, or excitement. Most of the time, they were townspeople, running and stumbling, only to be ended as soon as they hit the ground._

_She waited, another hour, another after that, until it was completely silent. No more screams. No more talking. No more... laughing. Now all she could hear was the fire, but nothing that told her there were any more people near her location._

_She moved – something she hadn't done for hours. Her body was stiff, reluctant, shouting at her to go back into her corner where it was safe. But she had to venture out sometime. She had to see everything that had happened – she had to find someone to help her._

_The girl stumbled up the stairs, before pushing the cellar door open. It took her a minute to get it to budge, and it forcefully turned the other way on its hinges. It creaked, before hitting the ground with a loud __**thump**__! She gulped again, biting her lower lip as she emerged to her surroundings._

_The smoke was the first thing that hit her. Then... blood. She walked slowly through the abandoned town, looking at everything she could feast her eyes upon. Everyone was gone – either physically, or they were dead. Her eyes welled, but she couldn't cry. She had to keep looking, she had to keep going. There had to be someone here – she couldn't be the only one!_

_After a few more minutes, she stumbled upon one body in particular. And it was then that she finally broke._

One woman abruptly sat up, her sleep disturbed by a reoccurring nightmare. Her face, arms, and legs were covered in sweat, she noticed, as she ran her hands through her hair. Her gasps for air were loud and uneven as she tried to calm herself down before she had another panic attack. __It's not real... it's not real...__It was just a dream, right? She was perfectly fine... safe. Looking around, she thought to reassess what she'd just said. "Safe" was questionable, since the terms of that word were decided by other people. Her room was a concrete cell square, she reminded herself. No windows, no instruments. Just one door that was locked from the outside, her bed, and a desk with a chair. There were stacks of books upon the desk, but little else.__As long as I'm here, books are all I need.__

She took another deep breath and tossed the covers off of her. The cool air that circulated throughout the room was comforting, as well as the sound she heard outside – the water from the falls outside of the hospital. She got up, grabbing a book from the desk, but then remembering that she couldn't read it in the dark. There was a faint light filtering in from the small square window on her door, but it wasn't sufficient enough. The woman sighed, putting the book on the floor next to her bed, before laying back down. Hugging her pillow, the only thing that lured her back to unconsciousness was the soothing sound of the water outside.

**/**

"I had the dream again."

A long-haired brunette sat across a white table from her best friend, a slightly younger woman with short, black hair. The younger one sighed, reaching out and taking her friend's hand. The brunette flinched, before remembering who it was, and intertwining her fingers with the others atop her hand. She sighed.

"Tifa, maybe you should tell them about it. It's important. Something they need to know-"

"Why do they need to know?" Tifa asked. Her eyes narrowed as she looked around the room. A guard was standing by the door, two doctors walking down the hall past them, discussing another patient. She lowered her voice. "Maybe they already do! They know everything else about me Yuffie. Hell, they even know my weight."

Yuffie gave her friend a small smile. "Tifa, you step on a scale once a week. They have to make sure you're healthy."

Tifa scoffed, turning her head and looking the other way. _Healthy... right. _Maybe she should tell her doctor about the dream, but she... couldn't bring herself to do it. It had been years, and she could never bring herself to tell anyone about it. The only person who knew was Yuffie. __Just so they can have something else on me? I'm not giving them that.__

_You're such a child._

_Let these people help you._

_Do you wish to suffer forever?_

_You're already alone... isn't that enough?_

"Son of a bitch..."

"Tifa, are you taking your medicine?"

The older woman nodded, looking back at her friend. "Do I have a choice Yuf? Really?" She hung her head. "But... I need to take them don't I? I need them to... get better."

Yuffie nodded when Tifa looked back up at her, and the brunette smiled. The main entrance to the building chimed, and both women looked back to see who entered. A nervous looking man came through, signed his name at the desk on the guest book, and then proceeded on about his business. He didn't pay them or anyone else any attention as he walked to wherever he needed to go.

"I need to get better for them Yuffie. How are they?"

Yuffie laughed. "They're great, are you kidding me? They mixed up my clothes again the other day. Imagine me going into the closet and pulling out a sweater, when it's the middle of August? I mean, it gets cold up here fast, but not this early!" They both laughed, Tifa remembering the antics of the children she left. Once that thought crossed her mind, Yuffie squeezed her hand. "Hey, why don't we go outside? It's nice out."

Tifa nodded. "I hate talking to you in here anyway. I always feel like someone's listening."

Yuffie sighed. "No one's listening Tifa. We're the only ones over here."

Tifa shook her head. "No. That guard has been staring at me this entire time. And so has the clerk behind the window. I swear, since I've walked into this place, she's been watching me. I'm just glad she doesn't handle the food. She knows, Yuffie. Everything! That's why she's trying to kill me. Do what should have been done-"

The younger girl sighed. "Don't talk like that Teef! That's not true." She watched her friend for a moment more. "Come on, let's go."

****/****

Outside, the two sat on a bench that overlooked a waterfall on their right. Tifa was decked out in her usual white pants and three-quarter sleeved shirt. Yuffie wore a short-sleeved green shirt with black pants. The latter rubbed her hands on her pants, before hugging her friend around her shoulders.

"Tifa, they miss you. Marlene stares at that sweater everyday you know."

The one addressed looked up when Yuffie said that. "What? Everyday, for the past month?"

Yuffie nodded. "Yes. Always says it's her favorite birthday present ever. She's glad you made it for her, even though it'll be a couple of months before she can wear it. They can't wait to see you again next week."

The brunette's eyes welled, before she looked down at the ground. "They're not too ashamed of me, are they? Or... afraid? I mean, Yuffie –"

"Hush with that!"

"Come on Yuffie! I talk to people who aren't there! At least, not to you, or them! And that night..."

She took Tifa's hand, hugging her tighter. "They love you. They just want you to get better, and to come home. So do I." Yuffie looked down at her watch, and swore. "I have to go get them from school. But, I'll be here, at Healin, next Saturday, bright and early so we can stay as long as we can."

They both stood, and hugged. "Thanks Yuf. What would I do without you?"

Yuffie laughed. "You really want to answer that question? With everything we've been through - hell, how we even met in the first place!"

Tifa laughed nervously. "You're right. Tell the kids I love them. And that I'll be home soon."

"Of course." Yuffie waved as she headed back inside, Tifa staying outside.

There was a cool breeze where she was, ruffling her pants and shirt. Tifa looked around, getting up and approaching the railing. The waterfall was beautiful. __It's... endless.__ Crystal clear water, falling forever down into the lake below. Tifa had a sudden urge to be near it, and she followed the rail to a set of stairs. Descending, she made her way to the lake. There were two other people out here as well: one, a guard, the other, a man doing yoga near the shoreline. The guard eyed her warily, and Tifa tried not to focus on his scrutiny as she approached the water. __Is he in on it too? How many people know...?__

__No one knows you silly girl.__

__No one knows that you're a coward.__

__That you stayed hidden and watched the destruction around you!__

__That you gave up on those people and let them ___**_**die**_**___.__

Tifa raised a half-balled fist to her forehead, closing her eyes tightly. She remembered the dream from the night before - from countless nights before. The people running, begging for the pain to end, for it all to end. She opened her eyes, seeing the waterfall in front of her, the calming waters of the lake right at her feet. There was a chiding laughter in her ear, but when she turned around, she saw the guard, his eyes now straight ahead, and the man behind her doing his exercises. There was no one else there. Tifa sighed. __I've got to get a grip... __

Taking off her shoes, she left them a few feet behind her as she stepped into the lake. The water was cold, a stark and welcome contrast to the heat of the sun. She sighed, closing her eyes and stopping to roll up her pants. Once they were past her knees, she kept walking, until the water was halfway up her shins. Holding her hands behind her back, she reveled in the feeling. __This is great...__

Her mind wandered as she stood there, once again settling on the images of the children Yuffie was now taking care of. Marlene was eight, and Denzel was ten, both orphans who needed somewhere to go. __Like me at one point. __She sighed.

_I really want to do better by them. I have to get out of here, so I can show them that I really love them... show them me, not the crazy, suicidal person they've seen. Or at least, who I think they remember. I was good, everything was great for so long... Ugh why? Why must I be so stubborn? _She lifted her hands above her head, stretching. _Why did I have to relapse? Because I'm stupid and refuse to do what I'm supposed to do. But not anymore. I want to be there for them. I'm just glad Yuffie got to keep the kids. _

Tifa sighed, dropping her hands and opening her eyes. When she turned around, the yoga man was packing up his mat. He waved to her, and she smiled back. _Everyone here has a mutual understanding: Sure we might not all get along, but we're all here for a reason. And that reason is because we're all crazy in some way. _Although, the other patients acted differently towards her than each other. Maybe it was because of her history. She was the most violent one here, and even then, that had only been one occasion. There were worse, _much_ worse cases out there than her own, but hers was unique. Everyone else here knew of each other's pasts, of their reasons or previous environments. Not hers. She'd never told anyone where she came from, or who she was, not even her psychiatrists. No one knew what might have caused her "psychotic break," as the doctors call it, and she didn't see herself telling them. __It's none of their business.__

Suddenly, there were screams coming from the Lodge. Tifa looked up at the main building, her eyes searching for anything that gave a clue as to what caused the screams. She half expected the structure to blow apart, a memory flashing across her eyes of an exploding building and people running and shouting around her. She held her head, before looking up and realizing that the guard was yelling at her to get back inside. She couldn't be kept out here alone, but he had to get inside to see what was going on as well. She quickly stepped out of the water, grabbing her shoes and running for the stairs.

__Wonder what could be going on.__

__Something else you will probably do nothing about.__

__Hm, maybe they set a trap for you, and they're getting your attention.__

__Finally do away with you when you couldn't___._

"Shut up! Please..." Tifa rubbed her temples.

"Are you alright?" The guard asked, right behind her. Tifa nodded. "Well come on! Something's –"

There was a sound, like thunder. Tifa stopped, looking around, but seeing no clouds. __Was that... a gun? Who the hell has a gun?__The guard pushed past her now, the safety of others now more important than her own. She understood, reluctantly following him back into the building.

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><p>Hope that was enjoyable~!<p> 


	2. Enough

Howdy readers!  
>Much love to my Beta. Thanks a bunch darlin`!<br>I was in a terrible slump when I wrote this so... Enjoy~!

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><p><strong>Anxiety II - Enough<strong>

Never before in his life did he ever think he would be thinking, _This is the day I've been waiting for._ This was the day that he had spent the past year and a half preparing himself for; why he had spent eight years in college before that, learning and studying so that he would be ready for a case like this. _Like hers. _No, he hadn't gone to school for this particular reason, but since this is what it led to, well, he was glad he was ready. This wasn't going to be anything easy, nor did he expect this to be. _Hell, this might be the hardest thing I do in my life._

The man sighed, walking into a building that was nearly identical to the many others around it. They were all built into a mountain, lush trees and shrubs surrounding the buildings, as well as several waterfalls. He walked up to the counter, a red-headed clerk looking down at some papers she was filling out, before finally turning her attention to him.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes. My name is Cloud Strife, and I'm here for my patient." He handed her his driver's license along with some other papers, and she sifted through them to verify what he said.

"I have to make copies of these Doctor, to put into the files. If you will just wait a few minutes please..." He nodded, and she left toward the back of the office.

Leaning against the counter, he looked around the establishment. He noticed from the white tables and chairs that this was the visiting area; a hallway ran through it, leading out of both ends of the room. This was the main building where most of the doctor's offices were. The various other structures that made up Healin Lodge were the patient's rooms, and a few other doctors and nurses scattered here and there.

The woman returned, giving him back his documents, and he put them back into his messenger bag. "She is with a visitor now, but her room is in the building up the stairs on the west end, if you would like to meet her there. She will be escorted back there a few minutes after her visit is over."

Cloud nodded, flashing a smile to the woman, who blushed and returned to the files she was attending. He pushed off of the counter, pausing for a moment as he saw a small woman entering the building from the south end. He nodded to her in acknowledgement, letting her pass by him and to the counter as he made his way to his destination. He heard her talking with the clerk, asking to check out, before she signed her name and left.

As he left the building and made his ascent toward his patient's room, he listened to the soothing waterfalls. Wasn't this a nice place to be? _Well... when you consider what your condition is, and the reason why you're here, maybe not. _But even then, Cloud thought, if he had some mental illness, he would want to spend his days in a nice, quiet, peaceful place such as Healin. He also knew that the quality of care and service here to these patients was beyond exceptional. This facility was focused more toward those with very severe cases, but not particularly violent ones. _Except for one. _

Once in the building, he asked another receptionist for the room number of this woman he was so anxious to meet. She told him told follow her. It was a nice building, but there weren't too many rooms here, and they were further spread apart. _I haven't heard of her being a major problem while here. She just had that one incident. Why are they putting her in these rooms? _Then, of course, he had to think of the reason _why _she was here. What she'd done to get there, and then it made more sense to him. _Have to make sure she's not a danger to anyone else... or herself. _

Cloud was allowed into her room by the receptionist who held what he assumed to be an extra set of keys among many. He waited patiently for her to find the right one, although that wasn't hard because he saw that they were numbered. Once inside, he thanked her, before heading into the room. She left the door open behind him.

At first, he just stood in the doorway, looking around. It was a standard room, it seemed to him. No windows, except for the small square one on the door. There was a desk, one chair with it, and a single white bed. What stuck out to him the most were, of course, the stacks of books upon the desk in front of him. There were about three stacks of various heights. One seemed to lean over slightly, but he didn't try to fix it; maybe that was how she liked it, and it would bother her if she found it out of place.

Walking over to the desk, Cloud observed the books by looking down their spines. He didn't want to pick any up, for fear of putting them back down in the wrong way. _I don't want to make her any more paranoid than she already is. _The things she was interested in astounded him, but he had always heard of her to be intelligent. Just... troubled. _From what, who knows? _Who knows but her, that is.

There were a large assortment of novels, research books, biographies and... psychology books. His eyes softened at the sight. She was trying to better understand... herself. _If not even she knows herself, how are the rest of us supposed to? _

His thoughts were interrupted by screams. He turned around, hearing and seeing guards running through the hall past the room. He left quickly, letting the woman lock the door hastily behind him, and he ran out of the building and down the stairs to the main one to see what all of the fuss was about.

There was a man standing right in front of a window near the southern entrance. An unconscious guard was on the floor near his feet, his holster empty. Cloud sighed. _How in the world did he do that? _The man was holding the guard's gun, pointing it toward the crowd, barking orders for people to back away from him.

"Sir, please. We can and will help you, if you just let us."

"No! I gave you all a chance to help me! I was here for a year and a half, and got discharged four months ago with a pat on the back and a prescription. You all told me that everything was going to be alright! That was a _lie_!"

"Tell us: what did we do wrong? What happened?"

The doctors were trying to diffuse the situation, while others were trying to escort patients away. They didn't need mass hysteria, not now. This was enough to set any one of them off, and that would only lead to a chain reaction. _That would lead to people getting hurt... or killed. _

Cloud watched the scene play out, standing near the back of the crowd of doctors and guards, ill-informed and ill-equipped to do much about what was happening in front of him. He didn't know anything about this patient, and therefore couldn't do much to help him. He felt terrible for not being able to do anything, but he also didn't want to feel like he was "butting in" to something that had nothing to do with him. _Even in this type of situation where I don't know anything. _

This man was becoming more desperate by the second. By now, most of the patients had been escorted away, back to their cells, except for the few who resided in this building; they were taken to the next building, then outside. He was shouting things at the doctors and nurses, demanding answers that it seemed to Cloud they couldn't give. He watched the gun the most, its jerky movements and swerving alarming him more than anything else. Soon enough, the man pointed the gun in the air, pulling the trigger. There was a hole in the ceiling above him.

A guard entered then, from the door nearest to the crazed man, his own gun drawn. The one of the floor was waking, and he began to inch farther away from the one who'd assaulted him. Other guards were beginning to surround the man, but not getting too close. The doctors urged them to stay their distance; they didn't want to set him off. Everyone could see that he was unstable. Cloud's colleagues wanted to help the gunman the best they could without things getting too out of hand.

A patient came in after the guard did, from the same entrance. Cloud only glanced in her direction at first, before turning his full attention to her form. She ran a nervous hand through her hair, almost seeming lost, unsure of what she should do. He heard a doctor near him ask a guard to get to her before the gunman did; their proximity was rather short. She winced, raising a hand to her head, and Cloud tilted his slightly to one side, observing her. _This isn't the time to be doing that... _But, he couldn't help it.

It was... her. His new patient. The one he'd been studying and preparing for.

The one he figured was going to be his hardest case yet. _She reminds me so much of – _

"Hey! You!"

The intruder pointed his gun at her, and she blinked, before fully realizing what exactly was going on. Her eyes widened in surprise, but Cloud didn't sense too much fear from her. Like she... knew he wasn't going to do it. _I don't know. This guy's case is really bad._

"They didn't escort you out like the others?"

Cloud's gaze shifted between her and the man. _He's more aware than I thought. I figured all of his attention would be on the doctors... and guards. Not the patients, because... they're irrelevant to his situation. _He sighed. _Shit. _

Her brow furrowed. "What? I... I just walked in." Her eyes shifted to the gun, before focusing on the man in front of her again. She was rigid, Cloud saw, unwilling to make any sudden movements that might piss him off. _And end her life. _

The crazed man turned back to the crowd. "So, are you all helping her, or just leading her on with lies like you did me?"

"Mr Rocham, please! We did everything we could do for you. Just tell us what happened that has made you think this is okay. We will help, just let us."

Mr Rocham laughed at that, waving the gun toward the doctors, before again pointing it at the woman while he was glancing between her and the guards. "Right. Right! I _let _you all tell me a lot of bullshit so I could get back to my wife, my kids. You wanna know what happened?" The woman moved slightly to her left, trying to get closer to the crowd, but he turned to her fully. "Don't you go anywhere!"

"I don't want anything to do with this, okay? Just... just let me go." She winced again from what Cloud thought to be the pain in her head. "No!" She suddenly shouted. "No, shut up!"

"Don't you tell me to shut up! Just who the hell do you think you are?"

"I wasn't talking to..." She stopped short, a heavy breath escaping past her lips. She bit her lip, then asked, "You said you... had kids?"

"Yeah, so?" Cloud studied the man more, watching the way his eyes darted this way and that, focusing on something for no more than a few seconds, before finding something else to look at. It was like he couldn't make eye contact with anyone, especially her. His eyes were wide, bloodshot, like he hadn't been getting any sleep at all. "What's it to you?"

"I have kids too. Don't you want to get better... for them? Let...," she held a half-balled fist up to her forehead again, closing her eyes, "let the doctors help you. They can."

He laughed again. "Really? And just how much have they helped you out! How many times have you relapsed, not been able to control yourself, felt helpless and confused, like the world just didn't give a shit about you? Huh? How many times have you let your family down? How many times have you heard the words '_I hate you Daddy! You're sick! You can't live with us!'_? Tell me that!"

He backed up with every word, edging closer and closer to the window. The woman he was shouting at watched him, her eyes widening with every question he asked. Cloud took a step forward, still emerged in the crowd of doctors, the guards forming a line in front of them. One had separated from the group, getting closer to his patient, but she was no longer paying attention to them.

"I have heard things like that before. I know... I understand what you're dealing with. I'm here for a reason too, just like you were before. Please. Your kids wouldn't want their daddy to do this. They love you, they just... don't understand what's happening." She looked down at the floor when she said that, Cloud realizing that she was speaking more for herself than for the gunman. But he seemed to understand what she was saying. She looked back up at him again. "Listen to me. You don't want to do this. You don't. You don't want your kids to hear this about you, for their mother to say that... that you didn't care about them, that you were selfish. You don't want that. No one does."

He shook his head, lowering the gun slightly, his eyes on the ground. "It's too late for that. It's too late for me, for them to see anything else other than this man. They listen to everything she says... It doesn't matter anymore."

Mr Rocham turned to the window, shooting it out. There were shrieks from the sudden noise, and he stepped right to the edge of the window. Cloud's patient stepped toward him, but a guard grabbed her by the wrist to keep her away. She kept watching, even though she was being told to look away. The other guards tried to rush to the man before he did what he really came here to do, but it _was _too late. Her eyes widened, and her body stilled as the man raised the gun and pulled the trigger on himself. Then he disappeared beyond the windowpane.

Cloud couldn't move either – no one could for a few moments – shocked by what had just happened. He shook out of it, people now dispersing and trying to figure out different things to do about what had just happened. He pushed through to try and get to her, but a doctor and a guard were already taking her somewhere else. She was in shock; that much he could tell. She began looking around the room then, and finally, her eyes settled on him. She stared at him for a moment, but her gaze was blank.

_This is... far from how I planned to start. _He asked a passing doctor for something to do, and the man shook his head.

"The police will be here soon. There's... nothing we can do for him now."

Cloud sighed, beginning to wonder if _enough_ had been done for the man.

"_Never give up on the patient."_

"_Never."_

* * *

><p>That night, Dr Strife was feeling more than out of place, and had a much more eventful day than he was ready for. He couldn't fall asleep for anything in the world, instead laying on the sofa that was meant for the patients. He had been put into an empty office for the night, seeing as they hadn't arranged anything for him; he wasn't expected to stay. He knew Healin was a nice facility, one of the best, but he didn't want to be put here. And he didn't think having his patient around all of these people was really helping her. <em>Or maybe it isn't the people. Maybe it's the doctors. <em>He wasn't sure. The reports on her were so... conflicting and held little information that he would just have to experience her for himself.

His patient... _Tifa Lockhart. _She was one-of-a-kind, that he was sure of. _Why did she try to handle that situation today? _Why wouldn't she? She had been backed into a corner, and she couldn't get away. _But she didn't have to keep talking to him like she did. _Maybe... maybe she felt obligated to help. _Because she does understand. _From what Cloud knew about her, she had been taken away from the people she loved as well – her best friend, and two orphans. Those were her children. _The reason she was committed had something to do with them. _Or everything. He shifted, turning over onto his back. It didn't help that there was little he knew about Tifa when compared to the mountains he knew about the other people he's helped treat, or studied. No one, in fact, really knew anything about Tifa. She isn't on the map until she's nineteen, but with that incident, it was clear that she'd had issues before. The problem was, no one knew what they were. _Maybe except for that best friend. _But he couldn't go talk to her. She wouldn't tell him anything. Cloud could bet that there were a lot of doctors that Tifa's dealt with, that have tried to pry out of her friend what she knew. None of them got anything.

He heard footsteps outside of the door. Cloud glanced at the space between the floor and the door, seeing shadows there, before it opened.

"Dr Strife! Ms Lockhart is... hysterical. She's screaming about how... _they _were right, and how she couldn't help him."

"Have you sedated her yet?"

The nurse nodded. "We've sent two men to do that now."

"Good. Bring her here after. I need to check her out immediately."

"Yes sir." She closed the door, and he was left alone again. Moonlight filtered through the window, shining down near the sofa. He paced, waiting for her to arrive, thinking of how he was going to start this off. Not with the wrong questions or looks, or else she wouldn't speak to him at all. Grabbing his bag, he rummaged through it until he found his favorite thinking aid: a baseball. Tossing it between his hands, he kept walking around the room. Luckily there wasn't any need for him to get dressed, seeing as he still had on the shirt and pants from today. _I was planning on showering in the morning. Guess I should have reconsidered that. _

The door opened again, this time with a man's back emerging through it. A gurney came next, his unconscious patient resting there, the other end being held by another man.

"Where...?"

"On the sofa. Thank you."

The men nodded, carefully picking Tifa up and placing her where he was laying moments before. Cloud watched her, not paying attention to them anymore, and he heard the click of the door closing seconds after they put her down. A hand lay across her stomach, her face turned away from him. She was mumbling, but it was incoherent.

_Yes. Far from how I planned on starting._

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><p>Much love also goes out to:<br>**_Iris Irene ; vLuna ; iNuocMam_**.  
>Thanks for reviewing! <em><br>_


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